in life you must keep on
dreaming
because otherwise, you are just sleeping

13.5.16

Jannah's Birt Story Part II: The Arrival

At about 11.45 pm, the contraction started to kicked in....


Miled ones though. Masa ni, time contraction datang, Rilla cuma pejam mata sambil baca "Lahaulawa" atau apa-apa zikir yang terlintas. The pain wasn't so bad. Sambil zikir-zikir tu dok membayangkan bunga sakura berguguran la, titisan hujan la, kelopak bunga yang tengah berkembang, hahaha. No sure what technique is this, but it helped me not to be too focused on the pain.

At about 12.00 am, a sudden gush of amniotic fluid flowed. Rasa macam empangan pecah, hahah, punya la banyak air keluar. Habis basah skirt hospital yang Rilla pakai tu. Rilla tekan call bell untuk panggil nurse. Nurse tak datang-datang. Akhirnya Rilla pergi sendiri ke nurse station untuk mintak kain baru. Diorang cakap, kalau air tak ada warna hijau atau coklat, tak perlu risau.

Jalan balik pergi katil, sambung layan contraction. Whooossh! Another big gush of aminotic fluid. This time, I didn't bother. Malas nak gi kaunter nurse lagi. Pergi macam tadi pun, macam susah sangat je diorang nak bagi kain salin. Basah pun, basah la. Sambil melayan sakit contraction tu, Rilla minum air Zam Zam dan makan kurma yang kakak ipar bagi.

Pukul 2 pagi, Doctor B datang untuk buat pemeriksaan. Dia nampak botol air Zam Zam kat beside table Rilla. Terus dia marah, "Awak minum air Zam Zam ye?" Rilla terkedu sebab tiba-tiba kena sergah kan? "Kenapa awak minum air Zam Zam?" Lagi sekali, tak tahu nak jawap apa untuk soalan tu. Doctor B ni rasanya bukan muslim. Lepas tu dia sambung marah lagi, "You minum air Zam Zam, nanti you sakit, tapi tak ada bukaan." Lepas tu dia suruh Rilla angkat kaki, nak buat VE, kasar juga. "Tengok, baru 2 cm". Lapas tu sambung ceramah dia. Rilla malas nak betah, walhal air Zam Zam tu kategori macam air mineral lah juga kan? Kang banyak songeh, lagi kasar dia layan. Rilla cakap "Ok, I'll stop drinking Zam Zam".

Pukul 3 pagi, ada nurse datang tanya "Puan ada tekan call bell ke?" Reallyyy? "Ooo..itu saya tekan pukul 12 tadi" Apelah nasib? 3 jam lepas tekan bell baru nurse datang. Takpelah, sambung layan contraction. Sepangjang malam yang Rilla sakit contraction ni, husband pergi office, nak settlekan kerja, alang-alang dah tak boleh tunggu sama kan. Rilla minta dia doakan Rilla. Yelah, last jumpa time lunch sebelumnya. Waktu melawat petang, Kanda tak dapat naik. Rilla minta Kanda standby lepas Subuh.

Pukul 5 lebih macam tu, nurse datang, nak bagi second jab Dexa. Rilla mintak tunggu dulu, sebab tengah contraction. Baiknya nurse yang nak bagi jab ni. Dia tunggu je sampai contraction reda, baru dia cucuk. Masa cucuk pun siap cakap sorry sebab jab ni memang sakit. Masa ni contraction setiap 3 minit. Dah tahap mengigil-gigil tahan contraction. Mengadu kat Kanda, dia tukar plan, solat kat hospital je instead of kat office dia. Mula dia plan nak pergi cari diapers dulu. Rilla cakap tak payah, cari diapers tu kemudia, takut dia tak sempat sampai.

Pukul 6, contraction dah sakit sangat, Rilla pegang kepala katil sampai bergegar-gegar. Siapa ada nurse lalu, tengok Rilla, kawan dia tanya "Kenapa tu?" Nurse tu jawab "Contraction~~", korang imagine jelah nada dia macam mana. 615 tu Rilla paksa diri bangun ambil wudhu sebab tahu,kalau tak bangun masa tu, Rilla mungkin tak larat nak bangun lagi dah. Solat Subuh sambil baring. Pukul 6.30 pagi tu, dah tak tahan sangat sakit dia. Masa ni, setiap kali contractioan, Rilla akan verbalize "Allahhuakbar". Tak kisah dah jiran kati sebelah dengar. Panggil nurse datang "Nurse, saya dah sakit sangat ni, contraction seminit-seminit. Rilla tunjuk contractioan app kat phone. Tapi jawapan yang Rilla dapat dari nurse adalah "Takpe, kita tunggu Pass Over". Lepas tu dia pergi nurse station balik. Dalam hati ni, dah kenapa kau nak kena tunggu pass over? Sakit nih!!! 

Dalam masa yang sama, Kanda dah sampai kat hospital, tapi masih tak boleh naik sebab Rilla masih di ward, belum dibawa turun ke Labour Room.

Hanya mampu taip "Sakkiiiitttt" tu je. Sakit bebenola maknanya tu. Mampu taip pun dah syukur.

Pukul 6.45 pagi, sorang lagi nurse datang, bukak langsir, kejut. "Puan, mandi". Dalam hati, dah...kena mandi pulak??? T.T Aku sakit sanagt-sangat ni. Tapi sebab tengah tahan contraction Rilla jawab "saya tak larat...". Nurse tu pun biarkan saja Rilla terus baring.

Pukul 7 pagi, ha..ni sakit yang bukan main-main ni. Rilla tak tahan sangat, Rilla jerit kuat-kuat "Allahhuakbar!!! Allahuakbar!!" Rasanya satu ward boleh dengar. Malu? Memang malu, tapi dah tak kisah dah masa tu. Nurse-nurse kat situ terkejut, tanya "Kenapa? Kenapa?" Tiba-tiba Rilla terasa kepala baby. Terus Rilla jerit "The baby's coming out! The baby's coming out!" Speaking London Rilla kat situ. Doctor B pun datang cepat-cepat chek. Masa ni rasa macam ramai pulak nurse datang, diorang tutup langsir, kerumun. Doctor B check bukaan, "Ha ahlah, dah fully dilated". Lepas tu Rilla rasa contraction lagi, Rilla cakap "I want to push!"

Masa ni, kalau Doctor B tak kasi push pun, Rilla rasa memang terkeluar jugak baby tu. Sebab memasang rasa kepala dia nak terkeluar. Masa ni memang kelam kabut la diorang nak cari barang prepare sambut baby. Doctor B pun suruh Rilla push. Alhamdulillah, dua kali puh, baby pun keluar. Teringat kat Kanda, sebab Kanda terlepas momen ni. Cepat-cepat Rilla ambil phone, dan rakam voice note tangisan pertama baby, release dan send ke Kanda. Sebab takkan nak taip mesej cakap dah beranak kan? Kesian dia, bukan dia tak ada kat dalam hospital tu. Bezanya dia di tingkat bawah, Rilla di tingkat 8.

Tu voicenote yang Rilla hantar. I can only imagine Kanda's dissapointment.

Ni lah app yang Rilla tunjuk kat nurse. Pukul 7 tu contraction terakhir yang Rilla sempat tekan.

Lepas tu diorang sorong katill Rilla dan baby pergi labour room untuk delivery stage 3. Korang bayangkan, teran baby kat tingkat 8, teran uri kat tingkat 3. Tapi nasib baiklah tak ada apa-apa. Nurse-nurse kat labour room ni pulak bising sesama mereka kenapa ward hantar report tak lengkap pelbagai. Tapi diorang layan Rilla baik sangat.

Lepas dah siap jahit, Rilla dibiarkan sebentar, diorang bagi milo dan biskut untuk isi perut. Masa ni tak selera nak makan dan Rilla menangis sorang-sorang. Rasa macam, Ya Allah, mudahnya aku bersalin. What did I do to earn this? Rasa bersih dan lapang sangat hati.

Kemudian, kanda dibenarkan masuk. Lega sangat masa tu dapat jumpa Kanda. Kemudian diorang bawak masuk baby. Memangdangkan baby Rilla premature, dan hospital tak ada radiant heater kat situ, diorang suruh Rilla buat skin to skin dan susukan sekali. Satu hasrat tercapai. Zain dulu, dah hari ke tiga baru dapat susukan. 

Kami ditinggalkan bertiga. I felt that my heart was going to burst with joy. I felt my love grow. Who knew my heart could expand that much?

11.2.16

Jannah's Birth Story Part 1: PROM

Assalammualaikum dan hai~

Alhamdulillah, had safely deliver our daughter, Amaya Jannah Binti Fuad Suffian. Her birth story is an epic one! (Although I'm sure all birth stories are epic), so naturally I can't fit it in a single entry. Korang bertabah jelah baca. Here goes part 1.


Date of Birth: 14 January 2016 Time: 7:15 am
Weight: 2.195 kg
Mode of Delivery: SVD
Born at 35 weeks gestation

12 January 2016

So I went to work as usual. Big projects are in full-blast (the annual OPEX and HR Plan budgetting plus new HR Analytics project). Semua projek ni ditugaskan kepada Rilla sebab sepatutnya EDD 29 Feb 2016, jadi sepatutnya sempatlah siapkan semua projek-projek ni.

Masa ni tengah tunggu Kanda datang ambil. Selamba je duduk bersila tepi koridor. Konsep "lantaklah, aku penat" kaedahnya.

Gambar kat atas ni diambil sebab boring menunggu. Hari tu hujan, so traffic jem lebih teruk dari biasa dan Kanda stuck. Tak terfikir pun esoknya tak masuk office dah.

I went to sleep a little bit late that night and I slept on the couch as Zain has claimed my side of the bed. I later regret that I didn't went to sleep cuddling him like I did every night, for that night was the last night I spent at home before delivering Jannah.

13 January 2016

At about 3.30 in the morning I suddenly felt a gush of wetness flowed through. It woken me up, but I was confused thinking I peed on myself. Then there was a second gush. There's no mistake, my water bag has broken!

I pull myself up, started panicking and posted this status at FB:


Masa ni mengharap sangat, ketuban hanya koyak sikit je sebab mengharap dapat teruskan kandungan sampai sekurang-kurangnnya 37 minggu. Tapi jauuuuuh di lubuk hati ini, ada naluri yang mengatakan kandungan kali ini juga akan tidak cukup bulan, macam Zain. Hari-hari tengok kat cermin samada perut dah turun atau tak. Instict ada tapi tak nak percaya. In denial di situ

Lepas habis berpanik, Rilla decide untuk pergi hospital paginya. Tapi lambat lagi, sebab masa tu baru 4.00 pagi kan (waktu selepas habis berpanik), jadi malas nak kacau Kanda tidur. Tambahan, apa-apa pun kena hantar Zain pergi taska dulu, so memang la kena tunggu sampai subuh. Sambil-sambil tu mengemas beg yang nak bawa pergi hospital. Kali ini, masih juga tak pack beg hospital awal-awal. Tapi nasib baik barang-barang penting dah cukup.

In the mean time, I opened my laptop and started doing some work. So sorry to my colleagues who are bamboozled for having received emails from me at 5.00 in the morning but not seeing me at the office that day.

Masa ni, kawan kat office yang dah macam kakak, Kak Su namanya, bermesej denganku. Nasib baik ada teman nak berkongsi kegusaran hati ini. Tambahan pulak perut masa tu memulas. Bertambah keliru diri ini. Contraction kah? No, apparently, I just needed to empty my bowel.

At about 6.00 in the morning I notified my family, friend and colleague that I need to get myself checedk. I asked them to pray that I can continue my pregnancy. I told Kanda after he has performed his Subuh prayer:-

"Sayang, Dinda kena pergi hospital sebab air dah keluar"

*Kanda terkebil*

"Tapi takpe, kita hantar Zain. Lepas tu Kanda pergi kerja. Dinda pergi hospital sendiri. Ape-ape nanti Dinda update"

See, he was swamped with year-end closing (he's the only account-person at his office). And I have this instinct that I won't be delivering the baby that day, so what's the point of troubling him?

Lepas tu Rilla dengan Kanda hantar Zain pergi taska. Rilla drive, tapi kepala ni penuh dan jenuh memikir itu ini. Masa hantar Zain tu, Rilla tak peluk dan cium dia pun (sebab kepala dah gelong sangat). Lepas tu ralat sangat sebab lepas tu dah tak jumpa Zain sampai lepas discharge dari hospital.

Lepas drop Kanda, Rilla pun drive pergi hospital. Sebelum pergi Hospital Shah Alam, Rilla dok timbang, nak pergi DEMC atau HSA, tapi akhirnya decide pergi HSA. We just overhauled our car (so, our cash situation will leave us very thin financially if we went to DEMC), and Kanda is partial to HSA (restu suami itu penting), and I thought, why not try a government hospital? So off I went to HSA.

Sampai di HSA, Rilla pergi ke emergency (jauh pulak parking dengan emergency), ada unit khas untuk kemasukan ibu bersalin. Masa ni HSA baru beroperasi sepenuhnya selama 3 hari.

Ni gambar kat unit kemasukkan ibu bersalin.

Selama ni Rilla check-up kat DEMC, tapi Rilla ada bukak buku merah (pergi KK sekali je). Alhamdulillah, tak ada masalah admission. Lepas check itu ini, Rilla dan dua lagi ibu mengandung yang datang selepas Rilla dibawa naik ke tingkat empat, tingkat untuk labour room. Buat CTG, tak ada contraction lagi (memang tak rasa ape pun). Check bukaan, dah 2 cm. Lepas tu Rilla disuruh tukar baju.

Sempat mak berselfie kat bilik air - gambar last sebagai wanita mengandung. Kaler pink gitu hospital gown ni. Ye..Rilla pakai bag pack je pergi menyerah diri kat hospital. Senang nak humban segala dokumen.

Rilla diminta tunggu sebelum admit masuk ward, masa ni Rilla meloya pulak sampai nurse cakap "Eh, dah lapan bulan pun mabuk lagi?" hahaha. Sambil-sambil tunggu tu, Rilla lukis peta kat mana Rilla park kereta kat mana. Yelah, karang menggagau pulak Kanda mencari kan? Rilla tak bawak suitcase naik sekali masa ni, gigih sangat lah mak buyung nak heret kan? Masa ni, kalau ikut kiraan DEMC, Rilla baru 33 minggu. Tapi HSA kira 35 minggu. Confuselah. They didn't tell me why they changed it to 35 weeks.

Lepas tu admitlah daku ke tingkat lapan, wad bersalin. Lepas tu tunggu Kanda datang time lunch.

This is my lunch slip. Like, who would name their pretty daughter "Umbrella"? =.= Sepurnama tau makpak Rilla fikir nama, last-last jadi Umbrella. Nasib baik lauk sedap.

My SIL came around lunch time to bring me some Zam Zam water and dates. Kanda came shortly after my SIL has left, bringing a few items with him. We bid a quick goodbye, not knowing that was the last time we would see each other before I gave birth T.T.

The doctor came sometime in-between the visiting hours. Dia mintak Rilla bedrest untuk sambung kehamilan sehingga 36 minggu. Doctor nak elak risiko masalah pernafasan kat baby memandangkan NICU HSA masa tu belum fully operational. Masa Doctor datang (I'm assuming it's the HOD, let's call her Doctor A) there was another lady doctor was with her (who would be the doctor helping me with my delivery, let's call her Doctor B). Dalam hati masa tu rasa macam 'Memang tak akan sampai 36 minggu, esok jugak aku beranak ni'. Tapi diam jelah, takkan nak cakap kat doctor "Saya rasa saya akan bersalin esok". Few hours after that I was given the first dose of the painful Dexa jab to help the baby's lungs to mature.

Waktu melawat petang tu, mak Rilla datang. Kanda sibuk uruskan beberapa benda dan Zain. Time Kanda nak naik tu waktu melawat dah habis. Masa ni fikir "takpelah, nanti jumpa masa dah masuk labor room". Lepas tu tak ada buat apa sangat, cuma tunggu contraction datang je. Masa ni rindu sangat kat Zain, tapi Rilla cuba distract diri dengan buat benda lain. Luckily, I brought a book to read.

At about 11.45 pm, the contraction started to kicked in....



p/s: PROM - Premature Rupture Of Membrane

25.1.16

Our 4th Anniversary

Assalammualaikum dan hai~

Alhamdullilah, all praise to almighty Allah, we've entered the fourth year of wedded bliss. Like all couples, we had rough patches but really, most of the times we were blessed with happiness.

Whenever I look at Kanda and thought, he really is the perfect match for me. sure, he has his flaws (like everyone else), but I'm happy that it's him I married. He let me be independent but at the same time offered me his help all the time. He support my love for sewing and crafting. Tak mengongkong. He also helps a lot with house chores, especially when I was pregnant since I'm exhausted all the time. He even cooks sometime! Aren't I lucky? Oh, I can go on about all the goodness that he possesses.

I really believe that marriage is about sharing about all aspect of your lives with your life partner. All aspects: physically, emotionally, financially. Zaman sekarang, sukar nak hidup dengan single income. So, most of us wives also work to earn a comfortable living. This is where the sharing parts come. Really, when the husband helps around the house, more time can be spent together as the chores get done faster.

For our 4th anniversary we decided to do a simple celebration. Kanda suggested we went to a nearby beach. I Googled and decided to go to Pantai Bagan Lalang. I requested that we went in the morning since I know I'll be too tired if we went in the evening. True enough, I dozed off in the car on our back, sorry Kanda ^.^;;




Little did I know that I'll be giving birth two weeks later, haha. It was a low-key anniversary celebration, but I felt so happy and content. We ate nasi lemak, milo ais, Kanda played football and build sand pit with Zain. Really, this is more than enough for me, us together, being happy.

To many more happy years ahead, Insya Allah, aamiin.